ProLove

  I have never been one to easily express my feelings or emotions even to my immediate family. I feel like I am training myself to be better in that area. It shouldn't be that hard for me. I come from a family of 6 and my parents and grandparents are still married. No broken marriage here. We are a normal family with some dysfunction. That's normal right. Now I am an adult with a husband and two beautiful healthy children. So why is it so hard for me? Why is it hard for me to show Love freely to others when I have been given so much?
  I see people all over the world through media that are in such poverty or heartbreak from loss that give their last to someone else in need.
  As a society or a culture do we put value on anything besides money? Life? Love? Others?
  I sat with my husband last night having a deep conversation about theology and what we actually believe in now vs. when we first meet 8 years ago. It was such a meaningful conversation because with two little ones we don't get to have any kind of complete conversation often.  That conversation stirred deep in my soul. That stirring brought so many things to the surface and Love was right there on top. 
  As a Christian I was brought up to believe a certain way. Looking back I disagree with so many things I was taught indirectly by the church. Help those in need but if some one shows up to church in a pair of shorts look down on them.
  I am saying all these things because as a Christian we are getting labeled like every other label. Bigot. Holier than thou. Racist.  The only Label I want to be known for is Love. I am not talking about telling people what they want to hear. That is not Love. When we marry someone we are supposed to Love them unconditionally. In marriage you have all these different balances with being in Love.  No one in their right mind would go into a marriage with a Lie or manipulation. So when we speak Truth to our Spouses we speak in Love, or we should anyways.  Here is a conversation of my own Life with my husband after the birth of my child. "I need to loose this pregnancy weight." Crying..sobbing.. My husband says to me, "If you are unhappy with the way you look or feel then change it".  Wait a dad gum second he is supposed to tell me that I am just fine the way I am; that I am a Goddess among women. Of course I did not like his response AT ALL but I knew deep down he was right. Anyone that knows my husband knows that he is a brutally honest person to anyone. The response that he gave me was direct but it was in his Love for me because he knew I was unhappy not fitting into my clothes. He Loves me so he isn't going to tip toe around the comment that I made.  This is one of the many reasons I was first attracted to him because I am a tip-toer.  Our response to every issue that comes against what we believe shouldn't be to argue in hateful slurs or names or talk about these issues to death. People should know what we believe and who we are by our actions. I am talking about Love being a Verb. If you don't know what a Verb is or might have forgot it is to express an Action. Just like in marriage to make it work you have to take action, to express your Love in Truth. Why can't we take this correlation and apply it to society? When you Speak to your so-called enemy wouldn't you be better off praying before you spout off the first thing that comes into your head? We show what is in our heart by the words that come out of our mouth. You might have the best intentions but when your blood starts to boil in the moment when you see or hear something that you don't agree with it is so much easier to get angry instead of praying on what is next.
  There are so many people that are hurting from life choices, trauma, loss and a whole array that some of us will never experience.  How will any person see who Christ is when we are trying to shove truth down their throats? They have to see the truth in US. As an ACTION. We have to Love them, build a relationship with them and care about their eternity. 
    My prayer is to respond to this World with the Truth in Love.

Birth Stories

While I am writing this my 3 year old son is saying, “I am hungry...mommy I am still hungry”. After eating eggs, turkey, cheese and popcorn. My almost 2 month baby daughter is lying beside me kicking my arms and making little sounds.

Birth Stories

Levi’s Birth Story

                I  had a great OB doctor that I went to for all of my before kids annual exams and I didn’t even have a second thought to go to anyone else for my prenatal care when the pregnancy test told me positive. I figured I was about 6 weeks along by the time my appointment came. Our area of the metroplex had just been hit by an ice storm in early February. I was determined to make it to my appointment because I couldn’t wait any longer to know for sure. I get there and wait for my turn for my name to be called. It is Routine to pee in a cup and then have the nurse check your vitals. Then waiting…waiting for the Doctor to come in. Then without any pause announcing that I am pregnant!  At this early on you don’t get a regular belly sonogram. I find out I get a Vaginal sonogram where they stick this long stick up your who-ha. The start of the uncomfortable begins.  Everything looks great so far and to hear the baby’s heartbeat makes my heart about explode out of my chest. That made it real.

                My pregnancy was fairly easy compared to other women’s stories I had heard. I experienced being very tired with my first every migraines. I experienced being nauseous in my first trimester also but not ever having to vomit.  Glucose test and all my bloodwork came back with no problems.  On my birthday we find out It’s a Boy!

                I reached the end of my third trimester and I discussed with my doctor my “birth plan”. I didn’t really prepare or have one because my doctor said if I was planning on getting an epidural I didn’t really need one. Of course I was getting the epidural. I had such a fear of the unknown; besides isn’t that what everyone does. Why would you want to do it without the drugs? These are all of the thoughts and things I said when people asked me what my plan was. 

                A week before my due date my doctor told me that my baby was getting big (he weighed a little over 7 lbs. at birth) so she wanted to strip my membranes because if I went past my due date by a couple of days she would induce me.  My water broke two days early on a Tuesday at about 4:00 am. I wasn’t sure if it really happened because after all I was up multiple times in the night to pee and I imagined I just didn’t have any control anymore.  I showered and went back to bed. I got up again at around 7:00 am and it happened again and a lot more. I remember my doctor telling me that as long as my contractions hadn’t started after my water breaking that I could take my time getting to the hospital.  I took a shower again. All the while my husband was sleeping. I went to him and said, “I think my water broke.” He asked me, “Really? Ready to go the hospital?” I said, “Let’s wait a couple of hours to let traffic die down”. I get a look.  So we waiting until 9 am to leave and traffic to die down. Still no contractions so I was good. I am so nervous and I can feel myself shaking. What if I can’t do this physically?  What if something goes wrong? There are so many horror stories.

                We get to the Hospital and we go in and I tell the front desk lady that I think my water broke and where do I go?  She immediately gets a wheelchair and from then on I am sitting or lying down until I have the baby. I didn’t really think a wheelchair was necessary but what do I know I have never had a baby. They are the pros right? I go in to talk to a nurse and she checks me and my water did break for sure but still no contractions. As a first time mom and with no real in depth information besides taking Anatomy and Physiology classes 7 years prior I was trusting entirely on the medical staff to care for me and make the best decisions for my baby and I.  The nurse automatically gave me a gown to change into and put me in the bed. No contractions yet. She put an IV in place and hooked me up to Pitocin to start my contractions. (I had no idea at the time this was considered inducement.) Christopher was by my side or few feet away the whole time. I got all checked in and hooked up to Pitocin at around 11 am.  My contractions started finally and from the get go they were not what I expected. They hurt. PAIN.  I wanted to go as long as I could before getting the epidural but not too long to miss the opportunity to get one.  Finally, when I didn’t want my husband near me I told him between contractions to go get someone for an epidural. They came back a little while later and getting an epidural while having contractions is no piece of cake. After I got it I was in love with the anesthesiologist. I could only feel some pressure but no real pain. My sister came in for a while and we chatted. The nurse checked me again and said I was almost ready to push. Really? I couldn’t feel anything. She got all the instruments ready. I had not seen the doctor throughout this whole process yet. Don’t they get paid the big bucks??   Christopher was by my side. The nurse told me that we would do a couple of “practice pushes” before the doctor got there. So we started. On the second push she screamed at me to stop. You never want to hear that.  My call button wasn’t working and she was the only one in the room. She ran into the hall and yelled for help. Three other nurses came in and she told me the other nurses that the baby was coming. So on the 3^rd push he was here with no doctor in site at 7:09 pm.  I got to hold him for a minute and then they whisked him away to do measurements, bath, and the usual stuff. It felt like forever until I got to hold him again. It was a very joyful experience. 

We let family come in to see him in the birthing suite before we were transferred to my room.  In the moment I felt like an emotional ton of bricks were hitting me all at once. I was laying in the hospital birth bed by myself and all of my family and husband’s family were by MY baby 20 feet away taking pictures of him and talking to the nurses. I felt so alone and it was such a detached feeling. All in one moment, still in the Hospital just after being stitched up from a minor tear, still in a bloodied hospital gown covered up so no one saw.  That moment was not Joy to me…it was despair. And then because I am a good girl I didn’t say anything and I pushed it aside. No one really prepares you for that side of it. 

No complications and a fairly easy pregnancy and birth for my first born child.

Naomi’s Birth Story

Fast Forward through a couple of years and a couple of moves to end up back in the same exact house we were in originally. We move back July 2014 and I get pregnant July 2014.

 We were happy to be back.

 I make an appointment to see the same OB doctor. I wait a little longer this time. I am a pro now. Not. Christopher goes with me this time and Levi too.  I am around 8 – 10 weeks and I pee in a cup…waiting for the Doctor. She does a belly sonogram. YES! Thank the heavens. She takes longer than I remember looking and doesn’t really say anything.  She says she has to use the vaginal one to look. Ouch!  Looking at the screen the doctor starts to explain some things and I know exactly what she is going to say. There are two sacs but one is quite a bit larger than the other. She is describing what is known as a Vanishing twin. I feel the tears well up in my heart and hold it together on my face. She explains that the healthy twin should be perfectly normal and after a couple of weeks there would only be one sac left. Even though it is so early on it doesn’t make the pain any less bearable. A loss of any kind is sad.

She reassures me at every appointment everything looks great. 19 weeks along and a day before our wedding anniversary and we find out it’s a girl. Levi had guessed right the whole time. This will be the first time we announce to the rest of the world that I am pregnant.  This pregnancy has been about the same as far as how I am feeling. 

Around December I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders and I can’t shake it and I can’t figure out what is going on. It wasn’t anything physical or emotional. It is always the feeling I get when I know something is going on in someone else’s life but it wasn’t someone else this time it was me.  I start remembering Levi’s birth story and start thinking… will this baby have the same birth story?  I don’t necessarily want that but I didn’t know how to change it or make it more special. I had started to change after Levi’s birth with the way I felt or thought about EVERYTHING.  I had remembered reading a friend’s blog post about her natural childbirth and having a doula a couple of years before. Google search…”what is a doula?” This opened the door and my eyes to a whole new path.

Midwives.

 Aren’t all midwives old? And weird? And work in a place with beaded curtains and incense? And have long gray stringy hair and bad teeth? I cannot handle bad teeth!

I found the woman that my friend had used as a doula and is a midwife and she has an actual Birthing Center with another woman. Beautiful. Young. No stringy hair or bad teeth.  A Facebook page with a website in the works and a Beautiful Birthing center. I did not know these kind of women existed and apparently are not the only ones.  Appointment Interview Made.  I remember telling my husband that I made an appointment to see a midwife and he asked me what was wrong. Nothing was wrong I was just looking into another direction.  I told him if I went to the interview after praying and I felt a peace about this direction that I would transfer my care. I am a week short of 7 months transferring care. I am officially crazy.

I went into the appointment and what can I say…everything was total opposite of the care I was receiving. Not only did she tell me her birth(s) stories she genuinely seemed to care about my well-being and I had just met her.  It wasn’t an in and out experience where the majority of the conversation was rushed because there were other patients in the next room over. I wasn’t a patient. I was a Healthy pregnant woman looking for the Best way to have my baby.  I signed up for a Birth Boot camp for Christopher and me. I wanted to be prepared for this thing called Natural childbirth.  The midwives gave me some great advice on raw vitamins and supplements to take that are so much better than the generic vitamins that I was taking.  What I loved so much more was when they would tell me about something they would also explain why it was a better route and then letting me make the decision.  I felt like I had finally taken control of my mind and my body with this pregnancy.

I got to the end and my due date approached and it passed and everyone was asking me basically what was going on?  Dude, I have no control over this and if I can help it there will be no interventions or inducements going on with this Prego. 6 days later we went to birth boot camp class and my contractions had been light and sporadic throughout the day like they had been for the past month. We went to pick up our son afterwards, went home & put him to bed. Finally bedtime. 11 pm and I am looking on Amazon for baby wraps that we had talked about that night at class. I don’t need to make a rash decision I still probably have a couple of days to order one. 11:30 I put my phone to charge and I try to get some-what comfortable (of course side-lying in bed). I am so sick of side lying I want to sleep on my back!  I cannot get comfortable and these stupid contractions are getting annoying side-lying. I get up and walk around to see if they go away and I tell Christopher to go ahead and sleep and I’ll let him know if this is the start. They don’t go away. They are very manageable and 7 mins apart...9 mins apart…4 mins apart...9 mins…was that a real one...not sure.   I time it more when they start getting 5 mins apart. Wait an hour. I wake Christopher up and tell him. He calls the midwife. She makes some suggestions to me like taking a warm bath to relax to see if they reside. Warm bath = stronger contractions but more spaced out. I got out tried to lay down. Laying down = stronger contractions.

This is it.

Taking the Birth Class and being around other women in the same stage as me helped prepare me so much.  Another thing that helped me through the pain was this:

This Pain is Temporary. If it’s for an hour or 30 hours it is Temporary. TEMPORARY.

 

My contractions had jumped to 3 ½ mins apart. Christopher called again. A good position if you are trying to slow labor is to get on your bed on all fours with your butt in the air and your elbows on the bed. Within 15 mins we were headed to the birthing center. We arrived at about 2:30 am. The midwife was preparing everything and Christopher was trying to get Levi situated.  She checked me at 7 cm and I got naked and already started feeling a little “pushy” and fought it back and got into the warm birthing tub. Yes, this is a Water Birth story.  That water was glorious! A sensation comes over me remembering it.  That water relaxed me so much. It is said that you need to be relaxed and make deep throaty groan sounds and it will open you up even more and boy that was so true for me. And then a contraction hit...the first in the tub. Oh My Word!  It was all fun and games until that.  I remember thinking I am not supposed to start pushing yet this labor hasn’t been that long. My body said TOO BAD. I had no control over it. My mind was out and my body was pushing and IT HURT!!  Temporary...temporary.  I held onto Christopher’s arm not letting go and I pushed and my midwife, Kaitlyn could feel the baby's head and telling me to wait to push for  thenext contraction (that was difficult..to wait) and then it came and I pushed again and she was out. The midwife gently guided her head out and pushed her under my legs in the water to me. I picked my own baby up out of the water and it was beautiful. She was born into this world at 2:50 am. 

 

                I sat in the birthing tub holding my new daughter for a while and we just stared just learning each other. There was no one there to rush my baby away or anyone to take away that precious moment from us.  We were helped out of the tub and guided to the bed where I fed her and waited for my placenta to make its way out.  After that Naomi and I took an Herbal bath together in a beautiful claw foot tub while Levi, the new big brother gently splashed mommy’s back. (He was so ready to get in there with us but settled for taking his shirt off and washing mommy.)  Daddy looked on taking pictures. Those moments with my family are so precious and Beautiful. We got dressed and went back to the bed and relaxed where the midwife did the newborn assessment. This happened about 2 - 3 hours after birth.  Those hours my baby did not leave me.  That was the best.  Then about 6 am we headed home where we let everyone know we had a baby and she was healthy.  Everything happened so fast in the middle of the night and I left my husband in charge of telling people and he wasn’t worried about it. So, I wasn’t worried about it.  I am so thankful that we had those moments at the Birthing center to ourselves. It was so peaceful and intimate.  I would not change a single thing.

 

                I am so thankful for both of my children and their Birth stories.  I wouldn’t change either. 

 

 

I appreciate my own body and God’s sovereign will to guide me.  I appreciate my midwives and their capabilities so much more now coming from a medicated first birth.  There is so much to be said for Midwives that have chosen their profession based on a heart for women and their babies.  They have a tough job especially in today’s world. They are always on call and they are in a position to guide women and walk this path with them through every stage and sometimes the most important part is being emotionally invested.

 I can see both sides of drug birth vs. natural birth but from here on out I will always do the midwife route if we are blessed with anymore children. Of course with our Origins family.

 

Thank you Midwives, Midwife families, and Staff of Origins.

http://originsbirth.com/

Thank You Birth Boot Camp, Miss Jillian- Shout out!
Facebook: The Best Birth Class
http://birthbootcamp.com/