It is 4:37 am central time.... I don't usually get up this early. I have tossed and turned since we went to bed at midnight so I finally decided I shouldn't drink coffee so late..that isn't it. Then I thought I am not feeling so good- congested. So I got up went and grabbed some water & some night time cold medicine. Then I made a cup of tea and put some soothing rub on my chest. I sat down on the couch we are fixing to sell in the rental house we have been living in less than a year in the small town in Oklahoma. I started thinking about all the things I could have done to prevent myself from feeling congested. I hate that feeling...feeling like you could have prevented it. Then I just started praying for healing.
God has stirred up so much in my heart since we have made this transition here. I am not sure what my exact "calling" in life is besides being a support system for my husband who desperately wants to be in ministry and a mother who raises their child to be an active participant in genuinely loving people and to be a Man that seeks God's own heart. So Lord I am standing firm in the knowledge that I will be this. I will be a woman that is kind, loving, humble, forgiving; all the while showing that it is God's Love that makes me this way.
Another thing that always stirs me when I wake up in the middle of the night is my family. We have such deep Love for our family that are hurting. Why can't I be bold enough to the family I grew up with? I want to always speak out of Love whenever I am with them. I never want them to hear condemnation from me---believe me I have been humbled with the best of them. I have Sinned. It is the will of God that every man & woman turn away from a life of sin. We will always fall short but it is God's Grace that makes a new person. He opens his arms wide to us.
Why do we put up such a defense when it comes to our family but we will really hear what total strangers have to say to us? What surprise is it when we have so much pride in our own lives that we can't be humble enough to see the truth. Please, above all else--let me be a person that speaks words of encouragement, HOPE, and Love to my family. Please be with my family as they go through their day. Open their eyes to your beauty, Love, Hope, Mercy, Grace. If I am not the one to bring them to you.. please position a person in their lives that would open their heart to you again. And if they have fallen from you just a little bit--I pray that you would ROCK their world today.
Lord- I know I am not even close to being perfect. Please Use Me. Let me always Trust in you for the teeny tiny things and the Ginormous things. I Love You. Psalm 37:5 Amen
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